The Single Most Important Thing You Can Teach Yourself

In the past month alone I have had four clients ask, me “what do you mean by ‘take the time to feel your feelings?  How do I do that?’”  It was a really good question that was asked by incredibly bright women.

A lot of us go through life thinking that suppressing our true feelings makes us seem courageous, fiercely independent or free from emotional neediness.   Sound familiar?   See if you can find yourself in this example:  You are at upset with yourself for not following through on a goal and rather than face the reasons why, you choose to forget about the goal and ignore the emotions felt alongside of it.

By doing this you are telling yourself that whatever you are feeling is not important enough to be felt.  Then some of these thoughts come along, “This feeling will pass.   It wasn’t a big deal anyways.  I was making too big of a deal out of this situation.   These feelings are definitely not justified.”

You convince yourself that whatever emotion you were feeling should not have been felt, then you repress it and move on.  Who gave you this message that what you are feeling should not be discussed or felt?

If this sounds like something that is part of your routine, then I have got some news for you; these emotions will never stop coming.  They will painfully creep up on you for the rest of your life and it is your choice whether you want to keep sweeping them under the rug or if you want to examine the crap out of them.  Trust me when I tell you that the examination process is way more fun than sweeping.  Who likes cleaning anyways?

Dive deep into your feelings

Before you dive in and start a feeling frenzy, remember that nobody has ever died from feeling a feeling.  A feeling is just an emotion, nothing more.  There is nothing to be scared of and so much to be learned.

So the next time waves of emotions come up, I want you to stop and follow these seven quick steps:

1. Identify the emotion.   Am I feeling sad, lonely, scared, angry, confused, annoyed, thrilled, trapped or overwhelmed?
2. Focus solely on the emotion, not the stories created around the emotion.   Example:  I am upset because I have gained 15 lbs this year.   What you make the story mean:  I have gained 15 lbs and now that I have started gaining, I will NEVER stop.  I will end up living life as an obese woman that nobody will ever love and I will die alone.
3. Feel your emotion.  With your one chosen emotion in mind, sit down, close your eyes and allow this emotion to really sink in.  Feel the depths of this emotion.  Explore why you feel this way.  Ask questions about it.  If you feel inclined, grab a journal and write it all out.
4. Physically express your emotion.  Once you are done sitting with your feeling, decide if you would like to have a physical reaction to it.  Do you want to cry?  Scream?  Hit a pillow?   What physical reaction will allow you to feel this emotion deeper?
5. Shake it out!  You will know when you are done feeling it emotionally and physically.  Stand up, drink a glass of water and shake out the excess emotions.
6. Put your emotions in motion!  Go for a walk, dance to your favorite song, ride a bike, clean your cabinets.  Use this flow of energy to move your body.  Trust that your body knows what to do.  If you are too spent to move, then choose rest and be okay with that option too.
7. Acknowledge yourself for a job well done.  You just felt all of the depth of an emotion and survived!

Keep on using this model until you become comfortable with your emotions.  The first time you run through this it might feel awkward and could take a while.  Over time, this process will speed up and you will become a master at feeling your feelings and a spiritual teacher in your own life.  I don’t know about you, but to me that sounds way better than picking up a broom.

Let me know how this process works for you!  What happened once you let go and felt something?  Did you feel a shift?   Empower your feelings and leave your story below!

New Year, New Workout

Wowsers, it has been way too long since I have logged on and I apologize. The good news is, I bet that everyone has been so busy creating their goals for 2013 that you might not have noticed my hiatus. Maybe that is just wishful thinking! Regardless, happy new year and I hope you’ve set some powerful intentions for the year!

The last few weeks I had to take a hiatus from working out. I had a minor surgery that required me to sit on the sidelines for a few weeks. This happened a few days before Christmas and I am definitely not complaining. I could not think of a better time of the year for a doctor to tell me to “take it easy.” Although I cut out yoga and running, I stuck to at least a 30 minute walk with Journey everyday.

Now that I am able to do whatever my body would like, I decided to try something really challenging. 365 days of working out was challenging in the endurance sense, but I wanted something to push my physical limits in a new way. My husband kept hearing me talk about the Insanity workout videos and got them for me for Christmas. Bless him/curse him! I was able to start them three days ago…OH MY DARN GOODNESS! I’d add in some expletives, but I do not think WordPress would think highly of that.

The first day was the “fitness test.” I almost gave up two minutes into it, figuring I was never going to be able to do these workouts. The only thing that kept me going was a facebook comment from a friend that said, “get through day three of it and you will love it.” I was really holding onto that comment like it was the holy word!

After I was done with the fitness test I went for a run. The next day, my legs felt like jello. I liked that feeling and I wanted more of it. I decided that I will stick to the 60 day Insanity program and add in 3 days of yoga per week, along with a walk with Journey for at least 30 minutes per day. To keep track of this, I have created a spreadsheet that I will hang in the basement to keep me motivated.  It sounds like a lot when I write it out, but in actuality, Insanity takes place in our basement for 30-40  minutes and the walks are just for fun. The yoga is added in there to keep my mind clear and to stay centered.

Today I had a huge realization that made me run to my computer when I was done insaning. The first two days of Insanity I felt like I looked like a baboon trying to Zumba. The image I was creating of myself working out was not pretty. It was actually so bad that it was making me slack in fear of what I looked like. It sounds so silly to write, but my hunch is that you so know what I am talking about. After two days of allowing that negative thinking to affect my body physically, I decided to change my tune.

For my workout today, I decided I was going to act like I was one of the buff chicks in the video. Not only did I not feel like a Zumba’ing baboon, I felt like I belonged with the people in the video. It was still insanely challenging, however, I was able to power through with a lot more stamina when I let go of the negative thoughts.

This same mentality can be applied to every aspect of life. I know that I did not just stumble across something that no one has ever heard before. I just saw the result of it play out in my life in such a potent way that I knew I had to share it. Try it out on your next workout, client call, first date, conversations with strangers, etc. Replace your negative thought with something empowering and see what happens.

If it works, send me a line and let me know how it goes. Happy new year, happy thoughts!