The Single Most Important Thing You Can Teach Yourself

In the past month alone I have had four clients ask, me “what do you mean by ‘take the time to feel your feelings?  How do I do that?’”  It was a really good question that was asked by incredibly bright women.

A lot of us go through life thinking that suppressing our true feelings makes us seem courageous, fiercely independent or free from emotional neediness.   Sound familiar?   See if you can find yourself in this example:  You are at upset with yourself for not following through on a goal and rather than face the reasons why, you choose to forget about the goal and ignore the emotions felt alongside of it.

By doing this you are telling yourself that whatever you are feeling is not important enough to be felt.  Then some of these thoughts come along, “This feeling will pass.   It wasn’t a big deal anyways.  I was making too big of a deal out of this situation.   These feelings are definitely not justified.”

You convince yourself that whatever emotion you were feeling should not have been felt, then you repress it and move on.  Who gave you this message that what you are feeling should not be discussed or felt?

If this sounds like something that is part of your routine, then I have got some news for you; these emotions will never stop coming.  They will painfully creep up on you for the rest of your life and it is your choice whether you want to keep sweeping them under the rug or if you want to examine the crap out of them.  Trust me when I tell you that the examination process is way more fun than sweeping.  Who likes cleaning anyways?

Dive deep into your feelings

Before you dive in and start a feeling frenzy, remember that nobody has ever died from feeling a feeling.  A feeling is just an emotion, nothing more.  There is nothing to be scared of and so much to be learned.

So the next time waves of emotions come up, I want you to stop and follow these seven quick steps:

1. Identify the emotion.   Am I feeling sad, lonely, scared, angry, confused, annoyed, thrilled, trapped or overwhelmed?
2. Focus solely on the emotion, not the stories created around the emotion.   Example:  I am upset because I have gained 15 lbs this year.   What you make the story mean:  I have gained 15 lbs and now that I have started gaining, I will NEVER stop.  I will end up living life as an obese woman that nobody will ever love and I will die alone.
3. Feel your emotion.  With your one chosen emotion in mind, sit down, close your eyes and allow this emotion to really sink in.  Feel the depths of this emotion.  Explore why you feel this way.  Ask questions about it.  If you feel inclined, grab a journal and write it all out.
4. Physically express your emotion.  Once you are done sitting with your feeling, decide if you would like to have a physical reaction to it.  Do you want to cry?  Scream?  Hit a pillow?   What physical reaction will allow you to feel this emotion deeper?
5. Shake it out!  You will know when you are done feeling it emotionally and physically.  Stand up, drink a glass of water and shake out the excess emotions.
6. Put your emotions in motion!  Go for a walk, dance to your favorite song, ride a bike, clean your cabinets.  Use this flow of energy to move your body.  Trust that your body knows what to do.  If you are too spent to move, then choose rest and be okay with that option too.
7. Acknowledge yourself for a job well done.  You just felt all of the depth of an emotion and survived!

Keep on using this model until you become comfortable with your emotions.  The first time you run through this it might feel awkward and could take a while.  Over time, this process will speed up and you will become a master at feeling your feelings and a spiritual teacher in your own life.  I don’t know about you, but to me that sounds way better than picking up a broom.

Let me know how this process works for you!  What happened once you let go and felt something?  Did you feel a shift?   Empower your feelings and leave your story below!

New Coaching Program For The Masses

I had this crazy idea that I was dying to try out with some of you!  I created a new life coaching group called “The Peace Posse” to give more women the option to try out life coaching, without having to make a massive financial commitment.  You will receive top-notch one-on-one coaching and get your hands on tools that will help you break free from painful emotional eating quickly.  This Posse would also be ideal for former clients, looking for some small accountability along the way.

Here is the scoop:

• Two private 20 minute coaching sessions per month for $49.
• Add an additional 60 minute coaching session for $149 per month.
• Awesome coaching techniques taught to you in shortened, 20 minute calls.

*This coaching option will only be available to 10 clients at a time. If you are interested, please email me, betsy@betsyfrycoaching.com and I’ll get ya all hooked up.

How Are You Holding Yourself Back?

It’s been quite awhile since I have written about working out, but today, I felt a tug at my little writing heart string to post about where I am in my sweating world.

Since my 365 days of sweat challenge ended, I have been continuing to workout.  At first, I thought that I would stick to working out everyday and I was quick to realize that it was not sustainable, and I was not happy doing it.  Too much time has passed to update you on what I have been doing every month, but I can fill you in on what my working out looks like right now.

•  Yoga: 2-3 times per week
• Running: 2-3 times per week
• Insanity workout video: 1-2 times per week
• Dog walking: 30-45 minutes 7 days per week (unless Journey gets lucky and I run with her).

A couple of standout moments happened this past week while I was adorning spandex and sports bras.  The first happened when I went to a yoga class with an instructor that I knew I did not jive with (sign #1).  I walked into the studio, peeked into the class and saw one other student (sign #2).   Despite the lack of yogi’s, I rolled out my mat and started warming up.  All of the sudden this massive wave of intuition rushed over me and told me to leave before class started (sign #3).   I ignored all three signs and struggled through the hour-long practice.  It. Was. Horrible.   I left angry and upset with myself for ignoring such a strong internal vibe.

After class, I came home and continued to be upset for a few hours.   You’re probably thinking, “What’s the big deal?  It was just a bad class.”  True, it was just a bad class.  However, it sucked me into a vortex of negativity and I was having problems getting out of it.   My husband recommended a walk with Journey and himself to shake out this new funk.  We walked and talked about all the reasons why my mind spiraled OOC (out of control!).  I explained to him why I thought it was so important to understand the depths of my emotions and within 25 minutes, I was back to myself again.

The reason I wanted to share this with you was to reiterate the importance of listening to yourself.  Of course there are going to be times when you veer off course, however, it is incredibly poignant to question why you lost sight of your needs and figure out how to avoid doing it again.

I challenge you to really tune into your needs today.  Listen to what you want, figure out why you want it and then follow through with it.  Compare how that feels versus choosing to ignore yourself.   If it works for you, I’d love to hear how it goes.  Leave a comment below this blog and an action plan for how you intend to keep it up!

The Three Reasons You Are Not Losing Weight

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We all have our reasons why we hold onto those few extra pounds.  Perhaps the weight protects you from going after your wildest dreams or maybe you do not have enough time to dedicate to the cause.  However strong your reason is, you can get past it and lose that weight.  As a life coach that specializes in weight loss, I have heard everything in the book.  I have also helped tons of individuals shed their reasons and move forward into living healthy lives.  Here are the three main reasons that are keeping you from losing weight and living a life you deserve.

Reason #1:  Excuses  Excuses are the biggest reason why people get stuck in a world of being overweight and unhappy.  I have heard excuses that range from “I do not love myself enough to lose weight,” to “Putting myself first makes me feel selfish.”  Whatever your excuse is, I have a hunch that you actually believe it.  Know this: Your excuses are not true and they are taking you away from living a life of truth.  The quicker you rid yourself of them, the sooner you can start taking the steps you have been longing for.

Action Plan:  Make a list of all of the excuses why you have held onto the extra weight.  Dig deep here.  Bring every single excuse to the surface and examine why you held onto that thought for so long.  The next time this excuse comes up you know that it is just an excuse and it holds no real meaning.  Let the excuse go and before you know it, you’ve proved that excuse wrong.

Christi Nielsen / Art Photos / CC BY-NC-ND

Reason #2:  Security If you have ever said something along the lines of, “I will start to date once I lose 15 pounds,” or “I will be happy once I lose weight,” then you are using your weight as a security blanket.  You are choosing not to live your life until you look different.  Start living your life right now!   When you allow yourself to do the things that you thought only your “skinny self” could do, you are proving to yourself that you do not deserve happiness right now and riding yourself the opportunity to live in the present.  When you allow yourself to live your life right now, the exact way that you are, you will be surprised what happens to your waistline.

Action Plan:  Jot down all of the things that you are waiting to do until you are at your ideal weight.  Choose one thing on your list and do it this week.  Rock your dreams at any weight and show yourself that happiness is not dependent on your pant size!

Reason #3:  Fear  There are a few different types of fear that can accompany weight loss; fear of making yourself a priority, fear of changing your lifestyle, fear of starvation, fear of working out and fear of being comfortable with oneself.  Whatever type of fear you can identify with, know that once you start working on whatever scares you, the fear will subside.  Remember how terrifying it was the first time you dove off a diving board?  Then you dove, survived, and did it again one hundred more times that day.  Fear can be paralyzing and can keep you from moving for years, or perhaps a lifetime.  Do not just wait for the fear to go away, work through it.

Action Plan:  Identify your fearful thoughts.  Once you have done that, ask yourself these genius questions by Byron Katie, “Is this thought true? Can you absolutely know that this thought is true?  How do you react when you think this thought? Who would you be without this thought?”  Once you put the fears out in the open, they hold less power in your mind.  Bonus: write down a thought that feels truer than your crappy fearful thought.  Set a daily reminder in your calendar with the new and improved thought and watch how your energy shifts.

These three main mental blocks come up time and time again.  They can manifest as a reality in your mind for a long time and convince you of a lot of untrue things.  Once you have worked through these things, start making changes slowly.  Do not shoot out of a cannon and make 100 changes to your life in one week, it’s not sustainable.  Just ask anyone who has cut out all carbs or tried to work out every morning at 5:00 a.m.  Start with small goals and once you have mastered those, move onto the next.  When it feels too hard to continue, take a break for one day.  Pick up wherever you left off the following day and find peace in knowing that you will get there.

**If you enjoyed this article and are interested in working with me one-on-one, contact me at betsy@betsyfrycoaching.com and we can start changing your life next week!  If you’re interested in the brand spankin’ new coaching program that will exclusively roll out in my newsletter next week, then sign-up today!  It is first come, first serve y’all!  This one will book fast.**