When I was in middle school I watched “Singled Out” like it was my job. Once there was this beautiful girl on there with six-pack abs that said, “I do 500 crunches a day to get my stomach to look like this.” My little 12-year-old prepubescent belly chub was enchanted. I did 500 crunches for a week and then I gave up. I didn’t have a six-pack, or boobs or long tan legs. What was a teenybopper with a shag bob and braces to do?
Luckily, I had a brother in high school that I emulated. He was honing in on his rowing skills in our basement ergometer and taught me how to do the same. He went on to row in college with men who all looked like 6’8″ Greek Gods*, while I continued to hit up the ergometer whenever all the other machines at the gym were taken.
You’re probably wondering why any of this is relevant. Well I am at my Dad’s house in Mendon, NY for my cousins wedding this weekend and it’s raining outside. Thus, I had to workout in my Dad’s basement which is stocked with all sorts of exercise equipment. I chose the ergometer. I rowed 5,000 meters and did 500 crunches while listening to Whitney Houston on repeat (OHH! I wanna dance with somebody…). It’s a good thing that Mike put a ring on it, because otherwise those casting directors from Singled Out would be hunting me DOWN! Well, maybe in 354 days…
*I wanted to include a picture of my bro and his college crew team to prove my point, but his non-facebook committing self would probably not approve.